28th —- Birthday Contemplation

 

28 years? C’mooon. I couldn’t believe time is spinning this fast. Well, I always have this ritual. Every year I will ask my self this very question “How am I different this year, except for the number in my age?” Because It’s important to remember that one’s birthday is a reminder of a lot of things.

This year, I sense that I have become a tougher self.

Sounds cool, huh?

Not that cool tho, because as tougher, I also sense that I turn to be more bitter this year. I am also more heartless to small mistakes done by other people. Sometimes I feel lost. I miss my 22 years old optimistic self.

That would probably go unnoticed, until I sense sometimes I am not fun anymore. And life becomes not fun anymore. And work becomes not fun anymore. Growing up isn’t that fun actually.

But fortunately, no matter how bad things could be. I still have them in my life. I thank God for that. My forever support system. My silly yet lovable assholes. My 911 call. Those people who keep me insanely sane all this time.

I learn to embrace my weakness and learn that “being not okay” is okay sometimes, most of the times. I learn how to express anger, fear, sad and upset. I learn, I couldn’t be everyone’s sweet candy all the time. I can be anything I want, I could be bitter and sweet at the same time and lose no one in the process. I learn that those who stay are those who matter the most.

And I should thank my self to never give up. For the toughest days we’ve been through, thank you for being you. Thank you for keeping your inner fire burning. And last but not least thank you for bring your self back to positive vibe.

In summary, birthdays are a good reminder of the ephemeral nature of our existence and how every moment counts. And is precious.

 

 

Xoxo,

S

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